A child of sorrow
by Cizu
Summary: This is a story about eating disorders, social pressure and problems of the heart. The main character is Pansy Parskinson who has a dark side of which no one besides a clever mudblood witch (oh, who could it be? :)) knows about.


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Life really isn't fair.  
  
Warning: I have modified some of the characters, so don't mind if the hair or eye colors aren't the same as in the books. Anyway, it's my story, so I can do what I want :))))))  
  
The secrets of Pansy Parkinson  
  
It was a dark and cold autumn night and Pansy Parkinson was sitting alone by the Slytherin common room's fire. The flames of the warm and inviting fire created shadows that were dancing on her hard and cold, though unusually beautiful face. She was hugging her knees and staring into the fire with an oddly glazed stare, she was obviously deeply absorbed in her thoughts. She was thinking about her current situation in her miserable life. There was of course the matter of being the "public girlfriend" of the most eligible bachelor at Hogwarts.  
  
She sighed deeply and closed her eyes when she thought about how young Malfoy abused her love and took her for grantage. She was nothing to him but a mere tool to keep up appearances. She was expected to keep her pretty mouth shut and smile all the time while her dear boyfriend handled all the talking. All the other girls were of course jealous of her and wouldn't miss the chance to talk dirt about her behind her back and sometimes they even said it straight to her face. They were always making fun off her being a bit on the plump side, off which Draco also reminded her on a daily basis. Tears rolled down her round, girlish cheeks and she wiped them off immediately angry with herself for sulking like a little spoiled brat.  
  
She stood up, brushed a stray lock of her shoulder-long luscious golden hair behind her ear and sneaked out of the Slytherin common room heading for the kitchens. Luckily she was a Slytherin prefect, being in her sixth year at Hogwarts, so she didn't have to fear being caught sneaking around the school after curfew. When Pansy came to the kitchens she helped herself to the huge piles of delicious pastries and cakes, because it was at such a late hour and all the house-elves had long ago retired for the night. She stuffed pumpkin pastries and chocolate éclairs down her throat crying at the same time.  
  
After stuffing herself with all those unhealthy and fattening sweets she quickly ran to the girls toilets took a potion vial from her pocket and drank it which made her throw everything up. After vomiting up until her stomach was empty, she collapsed on the floor and started sobbing violently. Her throat was burning and she felt dirty and disgusting. She stood up and staggered over to the sinks. There she leaned on the sink and looked at herself in the mirror. The sad girl staring at her from the mirror was puffy-eyed and pale with vomit running from the corner of her mouth. Pansy unbuttoned her shirt and looked at her reflection with disgust. She thought she looked fat though in reality she was only a little curvy, she had the body of a woman. Pansy was always comparing herself with other girls and saw everybody else as being skinnier and more attractive than her. This all started when she began her fifth year at Hogwarts after having gained a few pounds under the summer holidays, which her rivals didn't forget to remind he of with looks of great satisfaction. It was Draco who had hurt her the most when he said to her "Darling, you know that you aren't irreplaceable, so you don't mind dropping a few pounds, do you?" After that Pansy tried to stop eating, but it failed as she became hungry during the nights and here is the result... Taking laxative and vomiting potions to please Draco.  
  
Pansy tried to gather herself before returning to the common room, by wiping her face free from vomit and straightening her clothes. As she was reaching for the doorknob she was badly startled by the Gryffindor prefect, Hermione Granger, coming out of one of the toilet stalls. "I see you made another nightly trip to the kitchens?"  
  
"None of you business Granger!" spat Pansy ashamed and in a growing state of panic.  
  
Hermione looked at Pansy with sincere, worried eyes and tried to smile encourangingly. "Yes, I know this doesn't concern me at all, but I really want to help you."  
  
"Well, mudblood, you can shove your help up your arse for all that I care! I don't have any problems, I just felt sick. That's all. Not that I even need to explain myself to you!"  
  
Hermione's face fell and she now looked at Pansy with pity. "I was just offering a helping hand with no back thoughts. I want you to know that I've known about this for a long time now, and I'm not going to tell anyone but I hope you will come to me if you feel the need to talk." And with those words Hermione left Pansy standing alone with a look of great disbelief on her pretty doll-like face.  
  
"Ooh! How dares she! Like this is a problem. She's just jealous of me becoming more beautiful than her. She wants me to be fat so that she can be "little Miss Popular". That skinny slut! Well, I'll deal with her tomorrow", Pansy thought yawning and headed for the Slytherin girls' dormitory. Trying not to wake the other girls she quickly changed into her pink nightgown and gingerly dove under the warm covers. Her last thought before she dozed off was how proud Draco would be when she stood at his side all slender and beautiful with all the others staring jealously at her perfect man and at her perfect body.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
The following morning Pansy woke up before the rest of the girls so that she could be ready with her make-up and hair for breakfast. She slipped off her nightgown and changed into her robes while thinking about her unfortunate meeting with "Miss Know-it-all Granger". A deep wrinkle of worry spread across her smooth forehead as she thought about the possible consequences of Granger knowing about her so-called problem, but she knew a Gryffindor always kept his or hers word or at least she hoped they did. Pansy shook her pretty head to rid her of these unpleasant thoughts and concentrated on perfecting her make up and hairdo to please her demanding boyfriend, Draco. She stared at her reflection in the mirror and thought: "I love Draco so much but he doesn't give a shit about me and my needs. I'm just convenient to have around when he gets drunk and "utterly friendly" with women." Pansy closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead furiously while trying to stop herself from crying out loud.  
  
After calming down she proceeded down to the Great Hall where almost all the students already sat chatting cheerfully while enjoying their delicious breakfasts. Gracefully she sat down on her usual place at the Slytherin table next to Draco who recognised her presence merely by nodding his head and then continued his conversation with Goyle about the up-coming Slytherin-Rawenclaw Quidditch match. "Bloody perfect! Here I thought he would say something nice for a change about my carefully perfected make up and hairdo, but no. He didn't even take the time to talk me!" She felt rage bubbling inside of her but bit her lip so that she wouldn't say something she would greatly regret later and settled with throwing huge amounts of pumpkin pasties and toast with marmalade down her throat feeling ashamed of giving in to the craving for unhealthy food. "Damn it! This always happens when I get mad. Well, it's too late now to stop. I'm just a fat, ugly pig unworthy of Draco's love. Maybe he doesn't really care about me being a little plump. Maybe..."  
  
"Oi, Parkinson!" shouted a dark, pretty Slytherin 5th year called Viola Dolorosus with a devilish smirk on her lips. "Fancy some bacon to top those pastries you're hogging?"  
  
Before the deeply hurt Pansy could defend herself, Draco answered Viola: "No she doesn't! Pansy's already got enough lard of her own." Everyone at the Slytherin table burst into laughter except for Pansy, who just sat there paralyzed for a few seconds which felt like an eternity for her. She quickly stood up, and ran past all the gaping Hogwarts students and professors, bitter tears clouding her sight.  
  
Hermione had witnessed Pansy's humiliation and gave Malfoy one of her most poisonous and despising looks at which Draco simply rolled his eyes and shot her a look that clearly stated: "Keep your big nose out of this!" but Hermione just stormed out after Pansy having a clear picture of what the hurt girl would be doing. She found Pansy in the Prefect girls' bathroom leaning over a toilet with an emptied bottle of vomiting potion on the floor next to her. Hermione hurried to her and pulled Pansy's hair out of her face so that she wouldn't get any vomit in it.  
  
After having emptied the contents of her stomach down the drains, Pansy stood up staggeringly and avoided looking Hermione in the eyes. "How much easier it would be to just hate her" Pansy thought while wiping vomit off the corner of her mouth with her sleeve. Tears started rolling down her silky, round cheeks.  
  
Hermione gently placed her hand under Pansy's chin and forced her to look her straight in the eyes and mildly whispered:"You deserve better." Pansy flinched at those words and closed her eyes while more salty, burning tears started pouring from the corners of her big, long-lashed eyes. Pansy couldn't help herself from throwing her arms around her worst enemy who apparently was her only true friend as well. "Why does she want to help me, of all people, when I has done nothing but insulted her and talked rubbish about her behind her back. I guess it's true what they say about Gryffindors. They truly do care about others than themselves. How could I have let my judgement be clouded so badly by silly prejudice and especially by Draco!"  
  
She felt ashamed for herself and hugged Hermione even harder. "Please forgive me... I've been so awful to you. I've called you terrible names and talked rubbish about you behind your back, and still here you are, helping me, a Slytherin girl, your tormentor and sworn enemy."  
  
Hermione looked quite taken aback but quickly gathered herself and stroked Pansy's silky hair: "Well, it's never too late to change your ways, and I hope that we could become close friends as you clearly are in need of someone you can rely on and share your problems with. Also, it would be nice to have a girl as a friend for a change, you know if I have to hear another comment on girl's behinds or bosoms, I'm honestly going to jump head-first down the Astronomy tower!" Hermione was obviously referring to her two best friends Harry Potter and Ron Weasley.  
  
Pansy laughed and wiped her eyes dry with her robes. "You really are the greatest, you know. Ohm, bloody hell! We're late for class! Bloody perfect!"  
  
Both girls quickly stood up and hugged each other. They promised to meet each other after the lessons and ran to their lessons. Luckily they came just in time to the Potions class in the dungeons as professor Snape was occupied by punishing a Rawenclaw second-year for dropping a whole case of dung-bombs in the Great hall causing a huge stampede out of the Hall and several students to throw up their breakfasts. 


End file.
